Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
