not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you traded sex for a burrito?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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