This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
