Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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