So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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