she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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