At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish you could order shots online.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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