wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
