My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
