You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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