hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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