That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
