Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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