Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize