just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
