Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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