He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
