you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
