I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
