i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
