I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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