help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
