Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
