I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
