Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
