he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
