so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
