gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
