she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize