it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
