My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
