This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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