so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
