im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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