Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
