where's my purse there's an important taco in it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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