Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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