She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think i got beer on your cat.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
