So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
