I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
