thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
