Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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