wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
