dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
