There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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