How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
