Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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