hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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