Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
