Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
