Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
