my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You took a bar mat shot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
