Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
