I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
