Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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