well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
