btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
