I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
