my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
