yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
