I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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