she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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