I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
