yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
