You smell like a Billy Joel song
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
