theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
