My first STD was from a foam party
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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