i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
