Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
