Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
