Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
