Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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