Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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