Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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