do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
