Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize