did you get engaged???
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Of course I have a pirate flag
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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