I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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