Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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