cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
