I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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