last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
