She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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