Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
