The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
