I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
