Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize