i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
