just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
