A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
