i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
