Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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