Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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