ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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