My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
