This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
