Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
