Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
