Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
