Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
